Aries: You love being the best, but unfortunately you’re going to be far from it this Halloween. No matter how creative you think you’re being with your costume, somebody is going to top your idea. You probably shouldn’t even dress up. With the internet nowadays, it’s impossible to be original, so don’t even bother. You have some big assignments due the next week anyway, so maybe pass on this one. Plus, there’s always next year – just use your time planning for then instead. We wouldn’t want you to be humiliated when you’re standing next to someone wearing your same costume. We’re just looking out for you. Plus, there’s always next year – just use your time planning for then instead. Leo: We all know that you’re foaming at the mouth over Halloweekend, Leo. It’s okay, we are too. We suggest that you make this year your biggest Halloweekend yet. Yeah, Halloween is on a Thursday, but that’s boring, and certainly won’t be enough time to get you the attention you crave. Why not start celebrating on Wednesday? No, too tame. The Sunday before. A new costume for every day of the week, maybe two costumes per night? Sorry, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Get out there and dress to impress. We can’t wait to see all about it on the 87 Instagram stories you’ll post. Scorpio: It’s your time to shine. Since your birthday is near spooky season, you have no excuse to forgo a celebration. A Halloweekend at this school is already crazy enough; add a birthday to that and you’ve got the ultimate movie. Why would you turn down an opportunity to advance the plot? Whether you’re going for a risqué or gag costume, you better be committing to it. If we see you throwing on some cat ears or a bed sheet, we’ll be very disappointed. Live while you’re young, because you’re about to be very, very old. Gemini: Planning is so boring, right? That’s why we think this Halloween, you shouldn’t plan a thing. Don’t make plans with your friends and don’t plan your costumes. If you get invited to a party, you should honestly just delete the invite. You should only end up at a party because fate sent you, not because you decided to go. Making decisions is embarrassing. And for the costumes, we don’t even want them crossing your mind. If your friends start talking about costumes, yell at them and leave the room. If you can’t conjure a costume out of thin air right before a party, that’s a skill issue. Taurus: We know how much you love compliments and think you’re better than everyone else. Well, this Halloween, we’re sure you’ll want everyone to compliment your costume. You obviously have the best costume, even though you totally stole the idea off Instagram (but we won’t tell). You aren’t going to be able to put on your costume and go out on the town if people don’t acknowledge your exquisite crafting and costume planning skills. We foresee you walking into parties and (not so) discreetly posing next to your friends to (not so discreetly) get their attention. So, you start fake coughing, but you’re an awful actor, despite taking elementary school theater classes (embarrassing!). Everyone’s simply going to ask if you’re okay, then turn back around without acknowledging your beauty. At least they acknowledged you? Capricorn: No, Capricorn, your costume does not have to be perfect. No one is going to notice if the character you’re dressed as had a shirt that’s one shade darker than yours. No one is going to care that the one piece of your costume that you ordered from Amazon on Oct. 30 didn’t arrive on time to complete your look. Get out of your own head and hit the town for crying out loud! Each minute that you spend worrying is a minute that Halloweekend is going on without you! We don’t know about you, but we’d rather go out with a 95% accurate costume than be crippled by the fear of missing out. Blegh, F.O.M.O. Aquarius: You’re the ultimate party thrower, so this Halloween, you need to throw the best party you’ve ever thrown. You weren’t given your creativity to not use it! Get a binder, start a Google Drive and check out every single party planning book from the library. It doesn’t matter what you have going on in your classes, because what’s going to matter more in the real world: being a good employee or throwing the best office parties? Exactly. Get that credit card and show the banks that you don’t care about spending $500 you don’t have on balloons. This party is your destiny. Pisces: We hope you’ve saved up your funds for Halloween because your costume is about to absolutely demolish your bank account. Balling on a budget is simply not an option for you. You’ve planned a costume that requires an Amazon haul, a trip to Michaels, DSW and, for some reason, Ace Hardware? We have no idea what you’re building in that silly little mind of yours, but we know your costume is going to be real strange. People are about to give you a lot of looks, but if you make a trip to the city, they’ll love you. Newark just doesn’t understand your creative vision, but that’s not your problem. Sagittarius: Sagittarius, it’s time to use your charm to craft the Halloweekend of champions. An adventure unlike any you’ve ever experienced before awaits you, you just have to use that silver tongue of yours. We foresee new friends, partying with new friends, afterparty with new friends, after-after party with new friends … You get the idea. Basically, if Halloweekend were a movie, you’d be the main character. Of course, you knew that already, but that means you actually have to go out there and create some plot. Don’t let us down; your inevitably insane stories will be the only thing getting the rest of us to class on Monday. Cancer: The M.O. this Halloweekend is selfishness, diva. You’ve spent all year being the helper, the shoulder to cry on, swallowing back “I told you so’s” when your friends went back to their ratty exes. No more – put yourself first! Have to pick between a class and a party? Set some boundaries for once, Cancer; tell those professors you’ve got a conflict you can’t miss! Sure, the conflict is standing around in a costume you threw together the night before, but remember: Do not ask for permission, only for forgiveness. Virgo: Virgo, poor baby. All these parties going on and you’re just trying to study! Well, we say close that laptop, girl! Expeditiously! Bad grades are temporary, but missing Halloweekend is forever. Think about it this way; you can retake classes until you’re 80 with bad knees (note: this hypothetical doesn’t factor in tuition costs). However, you can’t go to Halloween “dages” when you’re 80 with bad knees, right? Well, okay, you can, and you’d certainly blow up on whatever the Sidechat equivalent will be in 2084, but you really shouldn’t. Libra: Libra, this is your moment. All that creative energy that’s being squandered in breadth courses and STEM classes is dying to be channeled into that costume idea you’ve had for years now. Release your inhibitions and channel the unhinged. This is the one weekend of the year you get to release your freak and have it matched on a cataclysmic scale. Don’t you dare waste this potentially historic opportunity on some Spirit Halloween prepackaged costume. We won’t be mad, just very, very disappointed.
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